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Marko Watch: Return of the Helmut. Having spent far too long making thejudge13’s big reveal – which I thought would have amused more people than it did’. Clearly you are a wholesome, substance free generation of healthy motor sport enthusiasts… and for that you should be applauded. Onwards….yes…the Imperial March is now ingrained in my mind having synched it about 500 times over the 4 minutes of video playback…hence the EPIC – Return of the Helmut.
It looked yesterday as though the Empire’s Doctor was heading for the abyss. Lauda’s disheveled but hearty cowboys were making a full speed frontal cavalry charge; el matador de toros – was whirling his magenta (say PURPLE) and gold capote with wonderous flourishes to mesmerise and distract Marko; then the killer, the dastardly and traitorous Ned Kelly was creeping up behind Helmut, long metal bar in hand.
Yet, just as Jerry evades the inevitable smiting by the fly swatter from Tom – loosing only a single mouse hair each time – today we see ‘Return of the Helmut’.
Sport1.de is reporting ‘the Dr.’ has supercharged his powers and sends a shockwave blast of defiance to the adversaries amassed ranks. He declares in a calculating manner, “”How can Maranello negotiate with Christian when we have extended his contract until 2017?”. The associated haunting cackle announces to the Federation that this battle is done for now – but the war has just begun. Bernie gets a stroke.
As judge I shall give guidance where needed and clearly the Federation forces may feel disheartened having been routed by a single crack of Marko’s tongue. But listen guys…remember Timo? He had a contract too. As have many people in F1 who have seen them rent in two and cast asunder at the behest of the other party when it suits their needs. Jenson, I believe had to cough up £20m to escape from Williams for the new dawn that was to be BAR.
I suppose the Ferrari/Red Bull battle for services rendered could come down to who has the biggest wallet. I never thought I’d say this, but, can Ferrari out bid Mateschitz? I really don’t know.
Livery Sneak Peek: Here’s the latest folks. I have to say, so far the teams have been most considerate. The colour schemes are working well with the TJ13 blog hues. In my humble opinion over the past 2 seasons, Mercedes have just edged it with the livery for me.
Lotus is good, but the red spoils it. I saw some graphics guy take out the red from the new Lotus and it looked great…I’ll go look….
..Found it. Which is best?
One other thing a TJ13 reader pointed out I’d missed, was the Kimi steering wheel. It had interesting buttons like “Cold, Very Cold, Ice Cold” and “Sat Nav”, “Map”, Mum” an for some reason “Jenson”
Just before we finish, Lotus sponsors, Okay they have Coke but there isn’t a title sponsor yet. That should be a little worrying, no sponsor wants to miss the big pre-season car launch. This is how Lotus introduced their sponsors,
Finally for now: Pastor in the simulator
Take the red of the side pods, but the rest is good, black and gold on its own is a little too dull… like Sennas lotus was without his helmet to brighten it up… there I said it! Flame away ya’ll!
Long day, Judge? Pretty obvious why there is a Jenson Button on the steering wheel… 🙂
loads of the post gone missing????
loads gone missing?
Must have pressed the wrong “Jenson”.
That Lotus without the red bits looks awesome! Maybe add a bit more gold and it’ll be the best looking car!
“I believe had to cough up £20m to escape from Williams for the new dawn that was to be BAR.”
He was already at BAR.
Greetings to all Judge13 associates, as the Judge himself mentioned before: Feel free to follow me @theJudge13Twts & interact if you so desire. If I mystically disappear from time to time, that’ll be the Twitter overlords flexing their misguided authority.
One day I will have to publish some of the email conversations which I’ve thus far won each time, debating the fact that I am most certainly not spam. I’d prefer to think, perhaps more a quality chestnut smoked festive Gammon.
All the best & keep reading theJudge13.com
You gotta appreciate the hell out of Marko. I’m fairly certain Ferrari were doing the exact same thing they did with the Vettel stories and once again Marko has completely missed the point.
Ferrari have very carefully and elegantly painted a picture where it looks like everyone besides Marko and Webber are looking at or considering jumping ship to Ferrari. At a team like McLaren that’d be part of the business, but Red Bull runs differently from most teams trying to build drivers and staff from the ground up with Toro Rosso.
Marko fires a few shots and says he has them and Ferrari can’t, but meanwhile everyone in Red Bull is looking over their shoulder wondering who is dedicated to Red Bull and who is just there because they’re winning.
When Marko looks at starting a fight he always brings his handbag
Nice video of E21, talk about a rolling billboard. Not that we have that many night races but imagine all the glowing bits. I watched the Rolex 24 and the LEDs popping up all over the cars is sweet.
Could be one for a TJ13 edit and re-interpretation?
I hope the liveries this year will provide some sort of tribute to the 2.4L 18000RPM (SECU Limited) V8’s, as this will be their last year of use. This current engine formula has served F1 well since its inception in 2006. Over the years, the formula has pretty much sounded the same except for the 2011 season when teams began extensively manipulating the SECU maps to create extended amounts of exhaust flow off throttle. The vast amount of exhaust chatter this created was distinctive and uniquely F1. It will be interesting to see if the new 1.6 V6T’s create an aural effect on the same level as the V8’s. I really hope they do.
I first heard that horrible sound at Barcelona test 2011. Scumacher came out of final turn onto straight and I thought they’d put a rumble strip kerb in – it was the off throttle blowing.
Keep commenting, they’re pretty friendly crew around here
Best description how I thought of it all. Nice one, Kev!
Blown exhausts all very clever, but the audible equivalent of the wrong moment in a Wagner opera . . waking up having been numbed by the hours and nursing a hangover. Not a melodic sound you can hum, but a mental strident klaxon of distinction that stays with you, more fun to tell your friends about, than to recall it as it was. I often liken F1 following to enjoying Wagner: there’s much to endure, hours upon hour of predictable almost dirge, yet lightening strikes build in the clouds, these startling moments of awesomeness you stick about to hear, somehow even though you know they’e coming, the sheer volume and impressiveness of it all is like having your head spring cleaned..
Do stick around, Kev, definitely a good lot hereabouts.
standard Maldonado taking out a McLaren.