Fat Hippo’s Rant: Making a case for Pay TV


Disclaimer: TheJudge13 provides a platform for Formula 1 fans to publish their voice on matters relating to Formula 1. The views expressed in Voice of #F1 Fans and Hippo Rants are those of the contributor and not those held by TJ13.

German Broadcaster RTL has come full circle. They started in the late eighties, broadcasting stroke-shows like the striptease bonanza “Tutti Frutti”. One of my earliest ‘manhood’ memories is that I came home from yet another pointless (read: no woman) visit to the disco, wasted out of my skull, whacking off over some housewife stripping live on TV because she was the strawberry and had just lost because lemon was the right answer. No idea, I was otherwise occupied at the time and with ten beers in the system I wasn’t very cognizant to begin with.

RTL, apart from advertising the virtues of female mammary features, are also the broadcaster who has shown F1 on free-to-air TV in Germany since 1991. And boy have they been degenerating! In the mid nineties they were seriously challenging the public networks, but in recent years they’ve stooped to lows that make ‘Trash TV’ sound like a knighting.

A couple of days ago I zapped through the channels and ran into something called “Adam seeks Eve”, a show on RTL. Why did I watch? Because I’m a man and the first thing I saw was a pair of Bristols – you do the maths. I kid you not, the concept is that they dump a guy and three girls on a tropical Island and they’re all naked – all the time. There are two Islands – the ‘Island of Desire’, where all four of them spend their day looking at each other’s decaying flesh and the ‘Island of Love’ where the guy will be taken with the women he selected because her fanny stinks the least after two weeks without a proper bathroom. The ‘Island of Blithering Idiocy’ was apparently destroyed by a Volcano eruption.

Jeebus H. Effing Christ. It’s been nine years since I had sex the last time and after seeing that I won’t need any for the next twenty, it was so disgusting. It practically rendered me infertile. That’s where F1 has landed these days. Second rate porn channels or Pay TV.

Let me give you some advice. Pay the 30 bucks for the PayTV channel and save your chance to have kids one day.

27 responses to “Fat Hippo’s Rant: Making a case for Pay TV

  1. “One of my earliest ‘manhood’ memories is that I came home from yet another pointless (read: no woman) visit to the disco, wasted out of my skull, whacking off over some housewife stripping live on TV because she was the strawberry and had just lost because lemon was the right answer”…

    You just ruined my bloody breakfast…😂😂😂😂

  2. Yes, that’s the way to go. You know why? Because women and girls like that sort of TV. Check out mtv. In the 80’s and 90’s it was MUSIC television. Now they don’t even play music. All they have is shows like the one you refer to.

  3. “Because women and girls like that sort of TV” my god, could you be any more offensive, bloody neanderthal !!

    • What are Ferrari thinking. It’s not like Bottas is showing a clean pair of heels to Massa. Maybe they just want someone who is able to bring the car home … in one piece 😜

      • I think here’s the fan and team/pro difference point of view. For some reason Hulk is highly rated by fans commenting but doesn’t seem to get the same response from team. Bottas seems to be the opposite. It just look that Bottas is seen as the most solid Youngblood that is somewhat consistent and proven.

        Not sure how their driving styles are aligned; for development purposes it would make sense to have 2 drivers with similar preferences. My understanding is that Kimi and Vettel have similar liking, Alonso was different, not sure about Bottas and Hulk. Some better experts here could maybe do an analysis on topic that would make it clearer for regular fans.

        • “I think here’s the fan and team/pro difference point of view. “

          My thoughts exactly. Latest F1Metrics results rate Bottas 42nd (2013–2015 peak), whereas Hulkenberg a lowlier 69th (2012–2014 peak). The model controls for car performance, so Hulk is in the same ballpark as Grosjean (64th), Webber (70th), Kobayashi (72nd), Coulthard (73rd) or Pérez (77th). Bottas on the other hand is right next to Massa (35th), and the latter provides two years worth of direct benchmark for the scarlet analysts.

          I’m sure a team like Ferrari will be using mountains of such models and stats to choose between drivers, among other things. By now Ferrari must have a pretty solid idea of where Bottas stacks…

          • No theoretical model accounts for the fact that Bottas has been mediocre at best while the Hulk regularly puts the FI where it doesn’t belong.

          • Hulk has never gotten a podium in the Force India (or ever) while Perez has (both in a Force India and in a Sauber). Perez clearly puts his cars more often where they don’t belong…

          • If you believe in what you wrote, see a doctor. Perez doesn’t even deserve to be mentioned in the same sentence as Hülkenberg. He had his one year of glory in the Sauber, but since then he’s been utterly mediocre.

          • Perez – 4 podiums. Hulkenberg – zilch. Both have had access to same inferior machinery, namely FI and Sauber. Make of this what you will.

      • My intuitions are a bit different. Ferrari know full well how good Massa is (as in oodles of data points), but they also know full well just how bad the Ferrari chassis was during Alonso’s tenure, and how good Alonso was at wrestling that chassis and how not so good Massa was (i.e. Massa not excelling in bad car). But give Massa a decent chassis, and he’ll dice it out with his betters (e.g. in 2008 vs Hamilton).

        It seems to me that this is precisely what we’re witnessing at Williams: decent chassis, and Massa right up there with a young chap showing signs of future WDC potential. If Bottas can also drive an undrivable car, then he’s right up Ferrari’s alley, and a good bet as far as the scarlet team is concerned. Unhappy days for Hulk though, yet again.

        • I think that’s a pretty good summary of the likely view from the TP’s position. Bottas is consistent and this couple years at Williams is similar to Massa;s training at Sauber with the exception that the Sauber was not in the limelight. Bottas will be a solid points gatherer even if he doesn’t have the goods to handle Vettel.
          There must be something the TP’s see as lacking in Hulkenburg that he does not get the big offers. His win at Le Mans is great on the resume, but there were 2 other drivers, one, which I could not name,as I recall, put in a great night stint that was the deal sealer. There are multiple winners of Le Mans that never made it too or made their mark in F1, so I doubt, once the initial hurray was over, that it made any difference to his standing in F1.

  4. Well the best I know and love about German TVs contribution to this world are definitely: Hugo Egon Balder and Horst Schimanski; and my favourite was the mandarin girl; good old times when silicon fake DDs where not yet in fashion. So well I hate reality TV even a crap soap or quizz show is better; and yes F1 should get rid off that reality part: less radio conversation and change room film before podium; more racing and numbers data. I don’t wanna see how Nico and Lewis smile or don’t to each other after race; I’d rather have it clearly on screen what version of tyres they have on; since when; etc reek baht data that I don’t have to rely on the commentators who may be very entertaining in their comments seldom are very focused on following the detail information. Plus they seem to focus on 1-2 drivers only

  5. You’re right Hippo.Give free to air the flick and go to pay tv.Down here in Australia we were more or less forced to go the pay tv route after foxtel picked up the rights to F1 in a similar way to the UK model.I wasn’t happy at the time but after half a season I couldn’t be happier.We get the full sky hd coverage and minimal ads.None during the race or quali and I haven’t watched free to air tv since.No more endless bombardment of cross promos for cooking and diy shows.Only watching free to air for the ashes (cricket mr hippo) and its only when you do do you realise how poor our Aussie fta tv is.
    And yes you’re right bruznic,mtv is no longer music television.Whatever happened to the station that used to play Duran Duran girls on film the adult cut.Now it’s all reality tv.

  6. It will be interesting to see, if Hamilton seals the deal quickly, whether people stop watching and going to races. It is the perfect year for the fans to boycott F1, it’s not as if it is actually an interesting season. I’m hoping the EU steps in, they can’t make it more of a financial clusterfrick then it is now.

  7. I literally have no idea what this article was about, other than Fat Hippo stating his angst ridden teenage years have not left, and he’s in the same position 30 years later.

    • I have to agree, this is a new low. J13 was a breath of fresh air when it started, but today I remove it from my favorites bar.

      • Perhaps you can show us all, how to do it better? I can’t even imagine you commenting much. It’s easy to rant about a single story you don’t like. Spending hundreds of hours to provide the content isn’t.

        I consider such comments pretty cheap, especially coming from someone who never gave it a shot at showing us what (s)he can do.

        • Fat Hippo – the photo shown is wrong. It shows the front end, and not the arse end, because that is where this current article most surely came.
          The Judge website used to be the most insightful of them all. You have reduced it to schoolboy trash.

  8. I found this a little bit over the top Fat Hippo; this just might drive some customers away.

  9. Recallmukava päivinämenneisyyden kun voit kirjautua sisään ja nauti pokeri todistusvoimaisista rahaa
    täällä Suomessa .

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