Brought to you by TheJudge13 contributor Mattpt55 – the best in Scrutineering, Stewards’ Decisions, and other assorted FIA documents looked at slightly irreverently  

There’s the race we see on telly, and then there’s the race behind the scenes. One rarely talked about by reporters but told in part by the official FIA documents. Here is a selection of this weekend’s documents for you to peruse at your leisure. Enjoy. Wonder where all this great stuff came from? Right Here

 

From the Dept of Important Information

 

 

Yes, but it was the *important* half of the gravel they replaced

 

From the Dept of Counting All The Things

 

 

 

Oh my, the race for first grid spot penalty is agonizingly close

 

From the Dept of Dental Hygiene

 

 

 

Aaanndddd New Ratios for Kimi!!!! But not Fred. Interesting.

 

From the Dept of Eternal Palaver

 

 

 

As long as it’s Fernando this time.

 

From the Dept of Pass the PopCorn

 

 

I’m glad you’re not bitter about those laps, Mr Alonso.

 

From the Dept of This Could Get Interesting

 

 

 

Or not. Done and Dusted  then

 

From the Dept of Stop Making it so Easy

 

 

Ummmm…. Nothing in your Mind? That’s your final answer?

 

From the Dept of Maybe not Dusted but Surely Done

 

 

C’mon, if Lewis is anticipating your questions, maybe it’s time to ask some new ones.

 

From the Dept of Making History

 

 

 

Way to suck up to the drivers, LOL.

 

From the Dept of NOT Making History

 

 

LOL, gotta agree. glad to see they’re both on the same page.

 

From the Dept of Time to Get a Grip

 

 

So basically  Nico and Lewis take each other out in the first chicane then.

 

From the Dept of WHA?

 

 

 

So basically you’re not going to tell us, are you.\

 

From the Dept of Porky Pies

 

 

So not the drivers then. Wonder who it could be? Hmmmm……

 

From the Dept of Aren’t We 

 

 

 

Claro. It  is all the things that have been but not done. LOL

 

From the Dept of Beating Dead Horses

 

 

Well, now that it’s been thoroughly explained

 

From the Dept of Dear God Where *DO* They Get These Questions

 

 

You mean the kind that every other champion has to endure?

 

From the Dept of Missing the Point

 

 

Perhaps you should have followed with “What *DID* you get punished for?” instead. That would have been interesting.

 

From the Dept of Finish What You Start

 

 

 

So are you leaving or staying?

 

From the Dept of You’re Not the Boss of Me

 

 

Clearly your bosses can’t make anyone do anything, LOL. Classy move though.

 

From the Dept of One of These Things is Not Like The Other

 

 

There’s always someone

 

From the Dept of Well at Least We’ve Heard the Last of— Noooooo……….

 

 

ZOMG cut it out and ask them something interesting like which shoe they tie first, if they’ve learned how to use laces yet.

 

From the Dept of Recounting All the Things

 

 

 

For some reason I want a Peanut Butter and Jelly Sandwich

 

 

 

And now I want to watch Star Wars. Go Figure

 

From the Dept of Keeping it Legal

 

 

Barely Legal.

 

From the Dept of Inane Statements

 

 

Zzzzzzzzz………….

 

From the Dept of 

 

 

Wow, zinging Mercedes and Renault all in one go. Way to make friends….

 

From the Dept of

 

 

ROFL stuck in traffic…. At the Track.  And it’s amazing how quickly smart people leave when you stop paying them. Would’ve thought those Masters of the Universe at Genii might have figured that out.

 

From the Dept of Ugly things

 

 

 

LOL so you don’t want to talk about it either.

 

From the Dept of Moral Outrage

 

 

 

Wow. Just Wow. So we shouldn’t read the news and have opinions because it might be dangerous???!!!! I suppose we should just let Big Papa Toto do all the thinking for us. OMFG WTF is wrong with these people. And yes, Marco *did* speak to Montezemolo. He asked him to clear his desk and security would escort him to the lobby, LOL.

 

From the Dept of You Lot  Are Serious

 

 

 

Seriously, WTF is wrong with these people. Not a shred of moral decency or courage on display.

 

From the Dept of  Quid Pro Quo

 

 

So either Wolff knows it won’t happen, is so scared of Honda that he’s willing to take the risk, or Merc have something way up their sleeve. Discuss

 

From the Dept of Lookie Lou

 

 

Nothing to see here, move along, ignore that tiny man behind the curtain while we continue to discuss costs and do nothing about them. La La La I can’t hear you..

 

From the Dept of Ta Da! We Have a Winner

 

And what will our lucky winner get?

 

From the Dept of Gifts that Keep on Giving

 

 

 

Why 10 grid spots, Alex.

 

From the Dept of Might as Well Replace it All

 

 

But it’s still a Renault

 

From the Dept of More New Things

 

 

 

Well, if they only had an ACDC the jokes would be endless.

 

From the Dept of I Thought So

 

 

Was on the tip of my tongue, swear. Wonder if it’s the same problem Lewis had yesterday. Surely someone will ask.

 

From the Dept of Wordy Words

 

 

How do you feel? What happened? Let me try. How much downforce are you running and did the team offer you a choice. Were the electrics problems you both suffered related? What the hell is a layshaft sensor anyway? Glazed or Cream Filled? IS P3 more important than P2 this year? ZOMG save us from the utter banality.

 

From the Dept of Utter Banality

 

 

Yes, if they crash each other out or their cars break. Otherwise no, obviously not.

 

From the Dept of More Stupid

 

 

Ahhhhh…. almost. Was it the same problem. it’s right there, right in front of your eyes….

 

From the Dept of Awesome NickNames

 

 

 

Maximum Attack Bottas it is.. And stiffer or softer. Do tell

 

From the Dept of You’ve Almost Got It

 

 

 

No, really, you’ve almost got it.

 

From the Dept of Naughty Step

 

For a moment, Pastor was exuberant as Lotus was tops in the speed trap. Then he realized it was in the pitlane…..

 

From the Dept of Utter Mystery

 

So all the Mercedes teams are fastest and they all use the same software that none of the other teams have. I’m sure there’s no appearance of impropriety there

 

From the Dept of Sat on the Really Really Naughty Step

 

 

Well, at least he’s a second slower than everyone he’s raced against recently. Oh, wait… Maybe he thought his regular speed in a Caterham counted as slowing down….

 

Happy Race Day!