Brought to you by TheJudge13 contributor Mattpt55 – the best in Scrutineering, Stewards’ Decisions, and other assorted FIA documents looked at slightly irreverently  

There’s the race we see on telly, and then there’s the race behind the scenes. One rarely talked about by reporters but told in part by the official FIA documents. Here is a selection of this weekend’s documents for you to peruse at your leisure. Enjoy. Wonder where all this great stuff came from? Right Here

 

SUPER EXTRA SPECIAL RETROSPECTIVE START

 

From the Dept of Leftovers

 

 

 

Who is the Tom Kristensen and what does *He* know about racing compared to Felipe? LOL

 

From the Dept of All the Kings Men

 

 

They couldn’t put Humpty together again, but were able to screw Lewis’ Merc back together. Similar≠Same. Extra Points if you know what a SPLEF is. Wonder if they billed Brembo for all that?

 

From the Dept of Back to the Future

 

 

Well, that will keep them to only using 1.95 metres then.

 

 

From the Dept of Paved Roads

 

 

Let’s hope they actually get around to putting it up before the event.

 

From the Dept of Inferred or Implied

 

 

We can infer that it is implied that *someone* was rather naughty at the last GP

 

From the Dept of Counting All the Things

 

 

This is liable to be the only race Pastor is odds on to win this year. But either Toro Rosso or Grosjean could still pull it out of the bag and clinch as early as this weekend.

 

From the Dept of Dental Hygiene

 

 

So when is a gearbox not a gearbox? When the FIA says so, that’s when.

 

From the Dept of Let’s Turn these in on Time, Please

 

 

He must be special, since he get’s his own document

 

From the Dept of Wordy Words

 

 

That would be everyone including your teammate,right?

 

From the Dept of Why Not?

 

 

 

 

 

It would have been vastly more interesting than what you did ask him…

 

From the Dept of Silly Questions with Silly Answers

 

 

Yes, by crashing with Pastor at every opportunity

 

From the Dept of Crash Courses

 

 

 

Glad to see they have both learned this little life lesson

 

From the Dept of Planning

 

 

 

 

 

Now if they just had a plan for making a better car

 

From the Dept of Perspicaciousness

 

 

 

Yes, I suppose it is true, not finishing the race is not the best for performance.

 

From the Dept of Commonality

 

 

 

Yes, 5 DNF’s would pretty much be a problem, all right.

 

From the Dept of Testify

 

 

I ran this through Google Translate and it came out as “I can’t believe I left Ferrari for this disaster of a team”.

 

From the Dept of Secret Identities

 

 

Holy Hopping Horse-Toads, could we have found the judges secret alter ego? .

 

From the Dept of Shiny New Things

 

 

 

 

Well, we’re halfway through the season…

 

From the Dept of More Shiny New Things

 

 

 

Pretty sure 4 isn’t half of 5 though….

 

From the Dept of Officially Shiny New Things

 

 

 

Took me a minute to figure out it was gearboxes. LOL

 

From the Dept of Hot Air

 

 

Why do they insist on calling it “Sahara”. I thought that was done.

 

From the Dept of Passing the Buck

 

 

Wow, we’re just following orders answer. How could that possibly go wrong

 

From the Dept of passing the Euro

 

 

 

Wow. Just wow. Craven.Especially considering Bahrain cost McLaren their title sponsor.

 

From the Dept of Passing the Pound Sterling

 

 

So if you think it wrong for F1 to make political statements, wouldn’t you think it wrong for F1 to be used by other countries for the same purpose. Because I’m pretty sure that’s what’s going to happen. Disingenuous would be the polite word.

 

From the Dept of Where Have All the Germans Gone

 

 

LOL, that Christian does have a quick wit. Though Seb was pretty disparaging earlier in the year.

 

From the Dept of Actual Questions

 

 

Holy Cow, someone screwed up and let actual reporters in. Ask a decent question, get a terrible answer, LOL. Though someone should tell Dieter that it’s an *additional* billion bringing the total debt to $3.5 billion. CVC has cleared $4 billion. No need to worry their poor little brains about that.

 

From the Dept of Dry Your Tears

 

 

So Azerbaijan is crying out for motorsport. Who knew?

 

From the Dept of Arbitrary Decisions

 

 

Marco wins the argument, hands down.

 

From the Dept of Mix and Match

 

 

 

This week it’s Match

 

From the Dept of Incongruity

 

Finally, an answer to the question of what do Lewis and Pastor have in common.

 

From the Dept of Janus

 

 

 

 

LOLtasty! Now we know for sure. Also, think Nico left out “when it’s not spontaneously bursting into flames” discussing the engine.

 

From the Dept of Proximity

 

 

 

*Sigh* close but no cigar.

 

From the Dept of Long Term Planning

 

 

 

It’s good to have a goal.

 

From the Dept of Loose Language

 

 

 

Like, say, overage charges on your mobile? OR are you talking Caterham. Enquiring Minds and all that..

 

From the Dept of Unexpected Things

 

 

Until Massa runs into something again, that is.

 

From the Dept of Understatement

 

 

 

Until the tarmac dried. Then it was taking candy from babies time.

 

From the Dept of Famous Last Words

 

 

Free Beers on Seb, everyone’s new favorite driver. Can’t think of a better way to wrap it up. Happy Race Day Everyone!

 

******************************UPDATE*********************************************

 

From the Dept of Happy Days They Published Parc Ferme

 

 

From the Dept of Sat on the Naughty Step

 

 

There you have it.