This page will be updated throughout the day – we begin in a humorous manner 😉

Anderson says Allison to Red Bull

I was listening to Gary speak this morning and he is of the opinion that Adrian Newey is looking to hand over the reins in an ordered and proper manner. Newey quit F1 once before and is known to have a passion to design sail boats.

Whilst Newey may appear rather a dull boffin on TV and speak in a monotone drawl, he is quiet an interesting chap and no one can blame him from wanting to enjoy some of the $8m a year he has been stashing in the attic from Red Bull recently.

Did you know… Adrian loves demolition derby? He makes secret visits to the states to feed his passion – during the Bahrain weekend last year for example. Ade (as we’ll call him now he’s cool) destroyed a Ford GT40 while competing in 2006, but escaped with only a cut finger. He later wrecked a Jaguar E-Type at the Goodwood Revival Meeting and again the hand of God was upon him as he emerged with a just tear in his suede trousers.

Wild child Ade went crazy in 2007 following the Red Bull 1-2’s in China and Silverstone as he redesigned Christian’s front garden by ‘donutting’ in a Ferrari California.

Bored with no action, Ade decided in 2010 to enter the Ginetta G50 Cup race at Snetterton. His design skills are superior to his driving ability and once again Newey was fender bending as he spun into the path of Tony Hughes. Whilst his car was caved in along the side and Newey was shipped to hospital, once again Ade sustained no serious injuries.

You know a career is peaking when someone starts visiting Buckingham Palace. Ade was invited by Her Majesty to take a perambulation in the garden with her and the corgies in 2012 and at the same received an OBE.

Amidst the furore of the speculation of Allison’s final destination, Red Bull have quietly avoided the spotlight. All we have from them was on Andrew Benson’s BBC blog and that was, “A Red Bull source dismissed the notion that Allison would be joining them”. This in itself is startling because Horner (prior to his demise) was never one to miss a media opportunity – using 10,000 words when 10 would suffice.

So why the gagging order? Well, once James has his feet under the portacabin desk in Milton Keynes he will be too busy trying to work out a design to make his feet fit the slippers left behind by Ade. Therefore, whilst the attention of the F1 world is on racing weekends – now is the time for him to secretly coached in the art of crashing cars and being silly.

Who can argue with Gary?

Drivers Press conference

It was dull, I wasted too much of my life watching it – to be bothered writing about it. If we can get a video today, we’ll post it.

Remember as a journalist present at these events, you only get one or maybe two questions of the drivers – so here’s a rough draft of mine.

TJ13 to Sergio: Now you and Jenson have had a ‘love in’ clear the air chat following Bahrain. If you were to find yourself on fresher rubber and immediately behind Jenson – where on the circuit do you see the overtaking opportunity?

TJ13 to Fernando: Luca de Montezemolo has announced he will be in attendance in Barcelona this weekend. It is a statistical fact that Ferrari performances when Luca is in town are below average so what would be your message to him?

TJ13 to Esteban G: Do you think you can have a race without crashing into anyone else?

TJ13 to Vettel: Now you have assumed the role of Red Bull team principal, do you see this as a 2,3 or 4 stop race and what rules will you set to decide whether you or Mark get first pit stop preference?

Wolff rebuffs Mateschitz

Following a pretty dull interview he gave to the BBC, Toto nipped round the corner and had a good chat with a rather attractive young reporter from French news agency APF. The difference was surprising. No more dull ‘ve must improve’ Arnie-esque speak likie he gave to the balding BBC journalist. Now his stories are full of colour and egotism.

On their second or third glass of wine, Toto divulged that he used to have a ritual whereby he would eat breakfast on the terrace of his palace in Vienna – around 1100 hours. He stopped doing this because, “One day, Dietrich Mateschitz landed by helicopter and offered to sell me Toro Rosso,”

Toto was clearly impressed by Deitrich’s impudent show of power so he took the offer seriously and, “with my company in Vienna, we analysed the business model of Toro Rosso, but having a private team doesn’t work when you compare it to the hundreds of millions of euros spent by the manufacturers,” And that was that.

Until of course the Williams and Suzie opportunities came along hand in hand. Suddenly a private F1 team offering 15% of their shares, a pretty girl wanting to drive for an F1 team, a floatation of the F1 team imminent – now  seemed a rather good wheeze to Toto. The heady mix of business and pleasure was great and against his previous better judgement – Toto bought in.

(Note: The quotes are true – the rest is more probably best described as ‘creative speculation’)

Alonso loses his cool

Breaking news from Barcelona reported by LaRepubblica.it suggests Fernando has been reported to the police for assaulting a photographer. Martin a freelance member of the paparazzi, was waiting for Alonso to return to his hotel after  being out with his girlfriend Dasha Kaputsina.

When Fernando saw Martin taking his picture, in front of witnesses, he ran over and attacked him causing damage to his camera in the region of 6,000 euro’s. Martin called the police immediately and made a complaint.

Alonso has had his run in’s with the media in the past – especially in Spain – because he feels they infringe too much on his private life. Last year he practically boycotted a Marloboro promotion, because there were reporters present whom he accused of merely printing gossip.

Martin is clearly upset by the matter and feels it was an unprovoked attack on him and his property in a public place and intends to press charges. He tweets, “Let’s see if this complaint teaches him [Alonso] next time to respect the press more. He is an idol to millions of kids and he knows perfectly well that he was not provoked.”

Picture couresty of La Repubblica

Again 42 – Technology is the answer

I found out how to copy a picture and tweet it in seconds on my phone last night. This is a real breakthrough, because when that moment is just right – no longer do I have to save the thought and replay it later. Here’s a couple I came up with whilst supping on a cool Amstel.

#F1 celebrity canine takes his first paddock walk of the year and is desperate ‘to go’. Confused by the Fake grass he asks… ‘Daddy, daddy… where’s our aeroplane toilet please?’

Ex #F1 driver @therealdcf1 – with a wealth of experience as a No 2 – advises Perez where best on the circuit de Catalunya to clip Jenson from behind.

Barcelona Free Practice 1

Speaking to the media following the session Jenson claimed that for a number of reasons he was unable to complete one ‘flying lap’. He did however manage to incur a 1,000 euro speeding fine.

2014 testing reports confused

It was revealed yesterday that a vote of 6-5 among the teams had carried the day and no incremental testing would be allowed in 2014. Today, Sam Michael speaking at the circuit says the F1 Sporting Working Group has agreed that testing in 2014 can take place in January and outside of Europe.

Michael does say that there are no plans for any ‘in season’ additional testing and that McLaren’s focus on correlation is routine and the team is happy with its wind tunnel.

Whether this spells the end of the use of Jerez as a test venue following criticism from the teams about the quality of the track surface this year, or whether there is a planned additional test is not clear at this point.